Giggling: the wombat rape emergency call

This story from New Zealand about a kiwi prank caller kind of speaks for itself - I like the part about the fact that alcohol hadn't played a part that day. Uh, sure.

A Motueka man who claimed to have been left speaking Australian after being raped by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours' community work for his trouble.

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, 'I've been raped by a wombat'.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that on the afternoon of February 11 Cradock called the police communications centre, threatening to "smash the filth" if they arrived at his home that night.

When asked if he had an emergency, he replied "yes", Mr Stringer said.

On a second subsequent call to the communications centre, Cradock told police he was being raped by a wombat at his Motueka address, and sought their immediate help.

He called police again soon after, and gave his full name, saying he wanted to withdraw the complaint.

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out,'' Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had no idea what he was talking about, Mr Stringer said.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all,'' Cradock then told the operator.

Mr Stringer said alcohol had played a big part in Cradock's life. However, defence lawyer Michael Vesty said alcohol was not a problem that day.

Judge Richard Russell said he was not quite sure what motivated Cradock to make those statements to the police.

In sentencing, he warned Cradock not to do it again.

stuff.co.nz

Writing: a job application

The funny thing about working at a job that you really enjoy is that after a while, you don't really see the things that you do as big major tasks - it's just the stuff that you do.

My job, as an educational media designer (or whatever title I think fits this week :) generally involves a bunch of little things - usually running around helping teachers with using technology in their teaching in some way - and occasionally work on larger scale projects. (Though mainly the former)

Which is making the process I'm going through now a little tricky. (Well that and my natural modesty :)

In the process of applying for the next level up in my job (which is essentially what I do now as far as I can see), I have to respond to a bunch of selection criteria.
This pretty well means that I need to provide concrete, interesting examples of big things that I've done - however most of what I feel achieves the most tends to come in the little 10 minute tasks that are rarely worth mentioning but which take a teacher from one level of skill to another. (At least, these are the ones that I enjoy the most)

Here are some of the things I need to justify:
(and some of the smart-arsed answers that always seem to be the first thing to come to mind when asked official sounding questions)

Proven ability to lead and develop educational projects relevant to the priorities and objectives of the Institute.

Proven ability to communicate professional skills to colleagues, clients and key stakeholders.


Proven ability to represent the Institute in a professional capacity.

I have consistently resisted all urges to strip down and dance nude on the table at power meetings for the last five years

Proven team leading and project management experience within an education design, media, web development or related educational technology, or information and communications technology, environment.

Regularly pwn n00bs and lead successful group attacks in 2Fort and Dustbowl levels of Team Fortress 2 on Xbox Live.

Looking forward: to GTA IV multiplayer

Of all video games (except possibly Portal), I'd say that the Grand Theft Auto series is my favourite. It allows you to live the life of a criminal in a big city that you can freely explore and interact with and undertake missions if you want to follow the story. The games have a keen eye for pop culture and cutting wit when it comes to poking fun at society.

Grand Theft Auto IV is due for release on the 29th of April (sadly right in the middle of my 6 week holiday) and is set in the present in a version of New York City called Liberty City.



Recent news indicates that for the first time (officially) there will also be multiplayer options available in the game, allowing you to play cops'n'robbers with up to 15 other people online, making full use of the city environment, the various vehicles and weapons and whatever else they choose to throw in.

This is the list of multiplayer game modes that are believed to be coming:


1. Hangman's NOOSE
2. Car Jack City
3. Bomb da Base
4. Bomb da Base II
5. Mafia Work
6. Team Mafia Work
7. Deathmatch
8. Team Deathmatch
9. Turf War
10. Cops n Crooks
11. Race
12. GTA Race
13. Deal Breaker
14. Free Mode
15. (some other mode?)

# In Race and GTA Race, the host gets to decide which vehicles are involved, and the number of laps to be played. You can shoot and throw molotovs from the window, and even steal your rivals' car.
# In Deathmatch and Team Deathmatch, the host gets to decide whether the police can intervene or not. The host also gets to decide the number of pedestrians, the amount of traffic, and the type of weapons.
# In Cops n Crooks, one team play as cops and the other play as criminals. The cops must stop the criminals from escaping. They can monitor the locations of the criminals on their GPS systems, while the criminals have no idea where the cops are.
# In Mafia Work and Team Mafia Work, you play as one of Kenny Petrovic's mafia henchmen. You must complete hits ordered by the boss (via the cellphone) before your rivals are able to do so.
# A single-player mission called "Hangman's NOOSE" features co-op. You and your friends will be able to escort a mobster, while being pursused by a SWAT team.
# The map used in multiplayer is the same map that is used for single player.

Can't wait.

There's also a stack of nifty media treats over on the official GTA IV website - including this recruitment video for the Liberty City police

LOLing: (mostly) - Melbourne Comedy Festival gags

The Age published a list of fifty great one-liners from the various shows around the Melbourne Comedy Festival over the weekend - there's some nice work in there (but also a bit of recycling and some general duds)

Gold:

I used to think I was smarter than everybody. Then I put aftershave on my balls...for the second time. Adam Vincent, Humans Anonymous

"The Herald-Sun’s Andrew Bolt" is a complete anagram of the words "bland lout answers the herd".
Luke Whitby, Was it a Cat I Saw?


Now that John Howard is gone, I just don’t know what not to believe any more.
Courteney Hocking, Mixing Pop and Politics

Meh:

My granddad was responsible for shooting down two German planes. Unfortunately, he did it in 1971. But he said you could never be too careful.
John Moloney, Only Moloney

What’s the best thing about being a gargoyle? You’re always high.
Edan Lacey and Nick O’Donnell, Eine Kleine Story Time

Loving: Boing Boing SPAM theatre

I've had similar ideas about using the random language in spam as a source of found inspiration for poetry - probably at a poetry slam kind of thing - one day, maybe. (There's a good one at The Front Cafe that I've been to a few times that seems ideal - just a matter of finding the time to put something good together - and muster up the public performance courage.)