I feel like I'm getting these a little punchier now - possibly overly reliant on puns and some groanworthy punchlines but considering that I write these during the course of the show, based only on the news stories I can access on the restricted internet of the studio computer, they could be worse.
Police had to use capsicum spray on three AFL players from the Kangaroos football team last night after an incident at a Lionel Ritchie concert. Unconfirmed witness reports suggest that the players had been "dancing on the ceiling, all night long".
They are believed to have been taken away in Commodores.
Kevin Rudd was this morning sworn in as Australia's 26th Prime Minister. It hasn't yet been confirmed whether Tony Abbott was the one doing the swearing.
Australia has ratified the Kyoto Protocol. Kevin Rudd signed the document this morning in his first act as Prime Minister.
Newly green Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson said that the PM hadn't gone far enough and a Liberal government would also ratify the Da Vinci Code and the Bourne Ultimatum.
A British teacher working in Sudan has been sentenced to 15 days jail for naming a teddy-bear Muhammed. New Attorney General Robert McLelland is believed to be looking into similar laws for parents who name their children Madison, Taylor or Britney.
